I have been either on a diet, absolutely NOT on a diet, or thinking about what diet I should go on since I was in fourth grade. As sad as that is, I know I’m not alone, yet what a seriously crazy way to live. It’s odd that there is so much obesity (I’m about 15-20 pounds overweight) and the answer is to diet or maybe have plastic surgery, but it doesn’t really work. There is something clearly so wrong this is picture.
I’ve been reading the book “Food Swings” by Dr. Meltzer http://www.amazon.com/Food-Swings-Life-Changing-Connection-Well-Being/dp/1569246823 and things that I am currently learning and have known for a while clicked in place. The past three months I had made a conscious decision and declaration to transform my relationship with food, and so have been applying neuroscientific concepts to my eating patterns, examining my habits, and reading about the development of psychological coping responses (Anna Freud’s mature vs. immature responses).
Dr. Meltzer wrote about the Mommy – Daddy diet, or, the foods and ways that we were trained to eat as children. By trained, I mean that these ways of eating are HARD-WIRED into our brains and it takes huge conscious intention and coaching to RE-WIRE our brains. The Mommy – Daddy diet is immature, it is from our childhood, we need to grow up and make different sorts of food choices and have different reasons for eating than we did as children. I ate for soothing, comfort, reward, and for control. Now, I’m all grown up, and, well, have been doing the same thing to my own ondion!
So, I have started rewiring my brain to make mature decisions. It is totally awesome. I have been thinking entirely different about the my patterns and reasons for eating. It’s lunchtime – do I go to the nasty Flamingo greasy grill for a patty melt and fries? Well, I used to when I was feeling angry for not having a break and wanting to reward myself for a long work morning. But, wait, when I think about it, it is so not a reward as I always feel bad about myself after I eat that food, resentful that I had it, and in a slump from the grease and carb overload. So, I walk on by to the Fox and Obel and get a deliciously prepared salmon burger with sweet potatoes in a lovely environment with a friend. That is a break. The added bonus is the food is better and makes me happier, the food lover that I am!
And when I want chocolate, my old pattern would be to acknowledge that chocolate will make me fat so I shouldn’t have it (as my parents might have told me), so I buy it anyway and gulp it down quickly in a sort of odd hiding manner. Now I have learned about the benefits of chocolate that is not processed and how it affects the brain (see the Food Swings book), and so I buy a high quality piece and enjoy it and notice the effects in my brain and it enters my body. Yum! Chocolate!
Oh, and the other cool thing is that my clothes are looser…but since it’s more immature to obsess about the number on the scale, I’ve chosen to not weigh myself and just enjoy what I’m learning!
Has anyone else made a shift like this, or want to make a shift like this?
Soft Addictions 
I have totally noticed this with my diet but couldn’t put a name on it until you described the immature vs. mature diet. When my husband Jim goes out of town we joke about how I resort back to ‘college days’ – eating fast food to cope with my chef’s absence (and of course, deeper fear/sadness). I love how you’ve framed this – it makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing …I’m looking forward to reading more here.
Thanks, Heather! Great to notice that about “college days”. You might even notice that the college day eating goes back to the Mommy-Daddy diet. I remember I used to fry up onions in college: I said I ate them because they were cheap, but actually, I had bonding experiences with my father as he taught me to chop onions when I was about 11 years old. Being alone at college, I got comfort from eating onions, it somehow reminded me of having an adult around as I hadn’t fully matured yet!
I have tried to shift my approach to eating as well. i eat standing up a lot because I get really nervous about what I have to do and basic interaction with people. I eat for comfort and energy and connection. I have started to pray over the food I eat giving thanks for it so I can start to appreciate it and it’s beauty and where it come from versus shoveling it in guiltily. I even try to say thanks for the food after wards if I forgot to pray because I stuffed my face too frantically because I am trying to keep myself out of my vicious shame cycle.
I have shifted from eating standing up, too, as well as eating out of tupperware…my great co-worker and fellow soft addictions coach, Gertrude Lyons, will see me starting to eat out of tupperware and say, “Jillian, do you need a plate?” And I know that I always need to answer yes to her because she has a higher vision for my eating habits!
Great stuff, Jillian! Just as those books resonated with you, your words have resonated with me. Thank you for doing the research, taking the time to distill the concepts for us and illustrating the point with your experience so that we can all benefit from what you have learned. Imagine where we’d be if everyone shared in this way…
I will be following along for more pearls of wisdom.
Thank you Heather…looking forward to hearing your pearls of wisdom as well…